A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night, the landlady met the man in the hallway. She said, "I have a couple ...

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked ...

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac. I was against it and an argument started. I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was ...

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated ...

Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank.
Why did he do that?
He was trying to save time!
What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas game?
Mean-opoly. ...

Last night I was in a rare tender mood. I made love to my wife and afterward held her close.
"I love you terribly," I whispered.
"You certainly do," was her reply.

A priest falls on hard times and is forced to sell his beloved horse. He explains to the new owner, "Remember now, you say, "Praise the Lord" to go and "Amen" to stop."
"Okay, I've got it!" ...

An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer.
Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. ...

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're ...

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. ...

This morning my wife was up early earlier than me. Sleepily I kissed her 'good morning'. She said, "I'm taking care of breakfast."
Excited, I nearly jumped for joy when I said, "Really? You're ...

A guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken under his arm, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, ...

Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck, and were dragging it by the legs back to their car, when they were approached by a seasoned old hunter. "Hello, Mr. President, and Vice President. ...

There once was a lonely guy who bought a bird. The pet store
manager said that the bird was a special bird and could sing, but
only if you lit a match or lighter under his wings.
The guy ...

Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf,
during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots,
he said in frustration to his caddy, "I'd move heaven
and earth to break a hundred on ...